butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
