From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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