We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
