i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
