btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
