i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
