Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
