Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
