best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
