i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
