Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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