UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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