we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
