I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
