I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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