My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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