I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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