nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you had me at cake vodka
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
