Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
