Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
