she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
