the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it's like iHOP with fire
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
