Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
