i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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