I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
kristin has been a bad kristin
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
