She said her name was "party"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
