So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
