I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
