I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
