All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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