We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
