yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
