so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
