How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
