Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
