you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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