There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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