He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she smelled like a LAN party
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
