I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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