i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
