One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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