Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
