I like my sex mixed with concussions.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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