I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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