you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
