The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I love having hate sex.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I enjoy the company of your penis
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
