We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
