Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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