i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
