im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
