ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
