: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
