dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
