I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
