I think I died a long time ago.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
